I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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