i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
