I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
