RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
