ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
