Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
