she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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