Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
