Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
