Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
