dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
