im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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