My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
