is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
