I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
