On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
