I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need to calm my uterus...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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