u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
