Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
