Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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