OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
