I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
