She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
