I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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