Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
