awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
