Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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