a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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