addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize