would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
