i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
