i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
