I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
