Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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