I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
