I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
