OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
