Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
