He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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