if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
