high people should be assigned attendants
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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