Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
