There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize