My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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