Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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