I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
