i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
