You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
