My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize