ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
