i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
