just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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