I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize