i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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