Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
