elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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