You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
