She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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