I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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