Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
