I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
