Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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