My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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