I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
