totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
