hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
