she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize