Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
