just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
