Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
