My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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