dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
