Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
as a side note pls kill me
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