im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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