This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
